What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
