sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
