billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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