Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
