My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
