VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
