I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
