No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
