If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
