you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
