as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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