we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
