So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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