ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dignity is for republicans.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
