It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
