So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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