The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
