It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
