My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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