Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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