I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
