We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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