Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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