If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
