you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
