Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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