She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
