we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
