I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
