so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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