Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
