I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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