FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
