Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
