I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
