Just cropdusted the office
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
