when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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