Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
