whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
