when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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