Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
