i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
