It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
