Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
