We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
