we're blogging at a bar
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
