if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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