Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
