For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
