What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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