Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
