We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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