went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
